Matrix and The Revolution

Saturday, June 24, 2006

June 23 - Game 3 - Away vs. Armstrong

Sorry about the long wait, guys. I've been working a lot lately, Phenom's been at camp, and most of all, it hasn't quit raining long enough for us to hold a regulation-length game. But we finally got one today. Yesterday, Team Armstrong's leader, David "The Phantom AKA The X-Factor" Tatham, called us up and told us that they were scheduling a game, rain or shine, at the Sprunica Courts, for the 23rd. So Phenom and I called everybody and we decided to meet there an hour early to run some plays, and then we'd start the game.

Just for a note, Team Armstrong is made up of the stars from the Varsity team for the high school. These guys are crazy good. Well, after we got to the courts, we ran a little bit, and then we got ready. It was time.

The Revolution:
Starting 5:
Ce: Austin "Scarecrow" Martin
PF: Levi "Unstoppable" Law
SF: Tyler "The MaTriX" Margison
SG: Ethan "Phenom" Scott
PG: Zack "Attack" Stant
Bench:
Zach "Birdie" Walker
Miles "Kid Kobe" Lane
Jacob "Like Mike" Percifield
Kenny "Most Known Thug" Baker
Wraythe "Dubz" Parker


Team Armstrong:
Starting 5:
Ce: Wes "Goliath" Fox
PF: Derrick "UB" Eubanks
SF: Kane "King Flash" Crabtree
SG: David "The Phantom AKA The X-Factor" Tatham
PG: Sean "Sticky" Sichting
Bench:
Josh "JO" Owens
Ethan "Underground" Baird
Heath "Human Torch" Bryant
David "D-Mill" Miller


OFFICIALS:
NOTE: We brought ours again, because they're reliable...
Referees:
Kevin Clark (A pledge as ref for the rest of the season)
Chris Rice (A basketball genius, but not really a player, simply a referee)

Scorekeepers:
Danny McMasters
Andrew McMasters
Timekeepers:
Shotclock: Mitch Coleman
Game Time: Nick Coleman

Close-Up on Team Armstrong:
Wes "Goliath" Fox:
Incredibly tall, about 6'7", and quite universal in this league. He inherited his name, Goliath, because of his incredible size, but he fell easily one time when Birdie dunked on him. Pretty much a "Shaq", power dunker and blocker.
Derrick "U-B" Eubanks:
He's a natural swingman, can play from point guard to power forward, but his main spot is power forward in this league. He's about 6'3". His name is simply his name "YOO-banks" becomes "YOOB-ee". An efficient dunker, but mainly a shooter and defensive player.
Kane "King Flash" Crabtree:
Tall for his age (he's a sophomore this coming year), at about 6'2". Tall and lanky, he moves fast, has efficient three-point plays, and bank-shooting abilities like Dwyane "Flash" Wade, but has beautiful dunks, game-saving plays, power, and distanced shooting abilities like LeBron "King" James, as well as the handling skills of both. He earned his name one game when he did a reverse windmill, like King James, and some people started calling him "King Kane", while others thought it clashed too much. Well, two plays later, he pulled off a leaning, fall-over-the-defender lay-up for the three-point play, and people started calling him "The New D-Wade". But someone came up with "King Flash" to make the best of the two, and his name stayed. He's an all-star, and one of the best players on the team.
David "The Phantom AKA The X-Factor" Tatham:
Easily the best player on the team. He's 5'11", and so athletic. He, too, has been compared to D-Wade, as well some other stars (Kobe Bryant, Tracy McGrady, LeBron James). His greatest "hidden" skill is his speed, and his ability to shift in and out of crowds with ease. His quick movements and seemingly-harmless-then-explosive skills have led to his first nickname "The Phantom". His second name came from the same game he received "The Phantom" from. The announcer was watching Tatham and after he started to catch fire, he moved faster, dunked nicer, shot harder, and played better. He was completely focused, in the zone, on fire, whatever you want to call it. The announcer called his focused-in-the-zone transformation "The X-Factor", because it was just out of nowhere and mysterious. So his regular on-ball name is "The Phantom", until he starts to catch fire, then he's "The X-Factor".
Sean "Sticky" Sichting:
Not as great as any of the other starters, but still decent. About 5'7"-5'8", he's a little chubby, but his handling skills are above average. He earned his name from his handle because no matter what he does, the ball stays "stuck" to his hand unless he lets it go on purpose. He's mainly a handler and shooter, but does little-jump one- and two-handers and such.
Josh "J-O" Owens:
An okay point guard at about 6'0". He's usually seen passing alley-oops to Tatham. His nickname is his initials, but it's based off of Jermaine O'Neal's nickname, "J-O". He's a handler, disher, and shooter.
Ethan "Underground" Baird:
He's pretty tall and lanky, too, about 6'1", maybe 6'2". He doesn't talk much on the court, he just plays ball. He got his name when he was playing ball, of course. He was coming up the court, and his teammate had the ball. Well, there were about four or five players beneath the rim, in the paint, and JO had the ball, and he just popped it up toward the rim, and Baird just appeared out of nowhere and slammed it down with impeccable timing. Everyone was like "Where'd he come from??" and JO screamed "Man, he was underground, you missed him!". From then, he was Underground or UG. He's a skillful power dunker (strong windmills, etc.), shooter, has a nice handle, and drops some nice dimes.
Heath "Human Torch" Bryant:
He's only about 5'8", but he's a great baller, and really athletic. His dashing appalachian (nickname) came from several different factors. First off, when he gets hot, he gets hot. He'll rip you open if you piss him off, but it takes a lot to get him pissed. Second off, when he hits fire, he hits fire. He'll dunk wayyy over you, shoot wayyy over you, or just set up a nice dime right past you. And finally, he tends to wear a black beanie with flames on it, so it looks (not really) like he has fire for hair. He's a high-flying dunker, high-flying shooter, and a trippin' handler.
David "D-Mill" Miller:
He's about 5'7" or so, not really tall, and can't dunk. His name is obviously his name. He hits beautiful shots from almost half-court, passes like crazy, and does some Pharmacist-like lay-ups. Shooter, handler, passer.

Match-Up of the Game:
Ethan "Phenom" Scott vs. David "The Phantom AKA The X-Factor" Tatham:
Both players are averaging some big numbers, and are the greatest short high-flyers in the league, and know each other personally. The difference between this rivalry and the one between Phenom and Jeremy "J-Beck" Beckham is that J-Beck and Phenom are about equal, whereas Tatham is a lot better of a player than Phenom. Even though Phenom is getting better, we'll have to see what happens in the game.



So now that that's over, let's get started with this crazy game.


Tip-off between Phenom and Goliath. Okay, so who do YOU think won? Goliath tipped it off to Sticky, who approached the goal carefully. I looked out and recognized them running a play that I saw during a Junior Varsity open gym once. The point guard (Sticky) passes it around and they swing to the corner and then pass into the paint for the easy dunk. Well, I was down in the paint at the time, and I saw them running this, and I ran out to the corner, and jumped in front of UB while the ball was coming at him and stole the ball. I sprinted up the court and was being chased by The Phantom and King Flash, while Phenom, Unstoppable, and Zack Attack all sprinted for a potential alley-oop. I pulled the ball behind my back, then brought it back to my front, to confuse King Flash, and then passed it to Zack Attack. ZA stood at the line, undisturbed, and launched a perfect three-point shot, which sank right through the rim. Three-nothing, with just a few seconds done in the first.

In a few plays, we were already trailing by three points, and Armstrong had the ball. The Phantom brought it up and was being guarded hard by Phenom. The Phantom juked hard to the left, then drove to the right, past Phenom, whose ankles were broken, and drove right to the rim for a LeBron-esque tomahawk dunk, pulled wayyy back. He slammed it down like he had a grudge on the rim, and the surrounding crowd cheered gleefully. Sickening.

Well, the game was full of plays like that. On one fast break, King Flash came out of nowhere and did a 360 between-the-left-leg windmill. Yeah, it's a mouthful, but wait 'til I explain it to you. First, you do the 360 jump, then in mid-spin, you put the ball under your left leg. Then, when you get the ball out from under you, you pull the ball around and up and dunk it on the other side, like Vinsanity's 360 windmill. But he did that and the crowd went crazy. Even I was losing my mind. But I wasn't going to let this get me down. Yes, this game was going to be insane, and we were going to fight to stay alive.

So, we brought in all our best three-shooters. Like Mike runnin' the point, Dubz at the shooting spot, Zack Attack playin' swingman, me, The MaTriX, pushing the power forward spot with as much power as I could, and Phenom dominating the post. I shot 4-13, and I was doing horribly. I did dominate the paint, though.

I managed to slam a two-handed tomahawk right down Goliath's throat, but a few minutes later, he practically ate me when he dunked on me. I managed to pull off some nice fast break moves. The first one, I ran up the court, jumped off two feet, and slammed my new, signature two-handed 360 tomahawk dunk. Then, I pulled off a nasty move that I'd only done once before. The other day, while playing a small pick-up game against my brother, Z-Marg AKA The Headbanger, and Zack Attack's brother, G-Unit AKA Cap'N Crunch, we were obviously slaughtering them. But I just spouted "Okay, let's say it's 3-3, next point wins". Well, Headbanger had the ball and went for a lay-up, but it bricked off the rim and reflected off the deformed, inexistent backboard. Well, Zack Attack had grabbed the ball and threw it back to me, taking it out. Well, he approached a bit, then started to run toward the goal. I passed the rock to him, and advanced. He then popped an oop to me and I jumped as high as I could, grabbed the ball, and slammed my elbow into the hoop, finishing with a nasty elbow rim hook. It was crazy.

Well, I did it again, but it was more planned this time. I was guarding Sticky, and Zack Attack was preparing to go up the court. Sticky held the ball low, between his legs, and I kicked it out of his hands, and it rolled behind him. I ran behind him, picked up the ball, and threw it to ZA, who continued running. Sticky, being one who doesn't like being humiliated, chased after ZA and the ball. Well, I followed them up quickly, and when he got to the rim, Zack Attack passed the ball behind him, without looking, into the air. I approached, jumped again, felt a rush of adrenaline, saw Sticky practically under me, grabbed the ball, and slammed my elbow into the rim, and everyone went crazy as my legs fell onto Sticky, as I dunked right on him. It wasn't as great as King Flash's 360 between-the-legs reverse (dubbed "The Flashin' Symbols Dunk"), but it was nice. Everybody started cheering and stuff... Did I mention that all the friends of the the players on Armstrong were there, plus our fans? I'm sayin' tere were TONS of people. The place was packed. It looked like Venice Beach during the summer (which I've seen). There were other kids playin' ball on the other 8-footer and the 10-footer, and then there were people standing around talking and stuff, but this was the hugest freakin' crowd I've ever seen... I guess some of the tourists heard "something about a streetball game goin' down at Sprunica", and even they showed up. My parents were even there, which surprised me a bunch, too, 'cuz they haven't been at any of my others.

We played our starters most of the time, but if we got into some point trouble, we'd pull our three-shooters out and they'd just start jackin' up these crazy three-pointers. Zack Attack got a fast-break pass, and instead of driving in or anything, he caught it near the corner, stalled for less than a second, then faded out of bounds and shot a crazy shooting-the-lights out kind of shot, wayyyy up there, then it went through the hoop. Did you see Dirk Nowitzki in the Three-Point contest last year? Where he shot them HIGH and they kind of fell slowly? That's what it looked like.

The best three-pointer shot, though, was probably where Dubz had the ball, and Underground was playin' him tight. So he got near the top of the key, and jumped to let this shot go, but UG got right on top of him, practically, so Dubz spun, as in 360'd, and threw this crazy hook shot that banked off the backboard and fell through. And, because UG was right on top of him, the refs called it an AND-1 play, and gave us the four-pointer.

With a few seconds left before halftime, King Flash was being guarded by Birdie. He tried to push Birdie to the ground by backing him down, but Birdie pushed back and hit the ball from his hands. Birdie got the ball and started approaching the rim fast, and he was being followed by KF and Phenom. Birdie jumped toward the goal, slowly turning into a reverse, and went like he was about to dunk it. But upon turning and seeing Phenom coming, he slammed the ball off the very back of the rim, on purpose, and it bounced out and kind of high. With a few seconds left, Phenom advanced quickly, jumped toward the rim from just inside the free-throw line, grabbed the ball with his arm fully extended, and slammed it down hard with a vengeance that rang through every single spectator and player around. King Flash tried to throw the inbound pass, but I came up and intercepted it. I jumped high to grab it, and instantly threw it toward the rim, and, luckily, it banked off the backboard and through the net. As I fell to the ground, I pointed out to Phenom, and then I heard the deafening sound of Nick Coleman hitting the air horn to declare half time.

Half-time Scores:
The Revolution: 49
Armstrong: 52


At half time, we all rested, and we were granted an time extension so we could have a crazy dunk contest.

Contenders
The MaTriX
Phenom
King Flash
The Phantom AKA The X-Factor

Judges
Dave "Reign-Man" Nichols
Shawn "Jumpin' Jax" Jackson
Dave "Prince" James
Chris "Cyrux" Rice
Kevin "Da Crazy-1" Clark

Rules
• Two Dunks
• Two Rounds
• At least one dunk per round must involve another person
• Scored out of 5
• Highest Score Per Dunk = 25
• Lowest Score Per Dunk = 5

Round 1
Dunk 1
The MaTriX - I started off with something "basic". I had Zack Attack do a between-the-legs alley-oop and bounce the ball off the left side of the backboard. I came up, grabbed it with my left hand, did a hand-switch windmill to my right hand, and slammed it over my head. Score: 23
King Flash - He, too, started with something easy. He had UB bounce the ball in front of the goal. He ran up, grabbed it and finished a reverse windmill dunk. Score: 20
Phenom - He decided to pull out a better dunk than ours. He started with his tandem dunk, and brought Dubz out onto the court. He decided to do an Andre Iguodala kind of dunk. I've never seen this kind of thing before. Dubz stood in front of the goal and Phenom stood several feet behind the goal. Dubz threw the ball perfectly over the backboard as Phenom approached, and Phenom grabbed it in the air, pumped it to get under the backboard, then slammed it in a reverse on the other side. Score: 25
The X-Factor - I'm saying "The X-Factor" now because he was definitely on fire. I would like to start by saying I've never seen this dunk done in my life, neither in video nor in person. But he did it. X-Factor approached from the left baseline, jumped just outside the paint, and held the ball directly in front of him. In the air, he did a 360... then he spun another 180 and slammed the 540 reverse dunk. It was insane. Score: 25

Dunk 2
The MaTriX - Realizing that I was probably out of this anyway, and I desperately wanted to see an "X-Factor vs. Phenom" showdown at the end, I did a simple dunk. I approached the goal, bounced it off the ground, caught it in the air, and finished with a rim hook. Score: 24
King Flash - He pulled it off this time. Except this time, it was even crazier. I don't know how it could get crazier, but he approached from the right side, jumped, spun, put it through his left leg, then grabbed it with both hands and windmilled it with his right hand, completely reversing the whole thing. It was so insane. Score: 25
Phenom - I've never seen or heard of him doing this before. He must have been practicing it in secret, because I'm sure I would have seen it by now. He approached the goal from the right side, jumped, and did a 360. But at the end, he finished with a rim hook, as well. If you saw the 2004 NBA Slam Dunk Contest, you saw Jason Richardson try something like this. But Phenom actually did it. Score: 25
X-Factor - I think his might have been even crazier. He, too, had UB bounce the ball in front of the goal. But he ran up, jumped, spun, caught the ball above his head in mid-spin, put it between his legs, and ended with a rim hook. It was a bounce-oop 360 between-the-legs rim hook. A huge crowd of people stormed onto the court and started jumping around him. Score: 25


Round 1 Re-Cap
The MaTriX - Between-the-legs-off-the-glass-oop left-to-right windmill slam - Bounce-oop rim hook - 47
King Flash - Bounce-Oop Reveres Windmill - 360 Between-the-legs reverse windmill - 45
Phenom - Over-the-board behind-the-board reverse slam - 360 rim hook - 50
X-Factor - 540º - Bounce-oop 360 between-the-legs rim hook - 50



Round 2
Dunk 1
The X-Factor - Now, it was X-Factor's turn to imitate Iguodala. JO ran up to the goal, bounced it gently off the glass, and X-Factor came up, grabbed it with one hand, put it behind his back, brought it back around, and slammed it with both hands. Score: 25
Phenom - What a classic. He came from the right side, did a "classic" 360 between-the-legs, and slammed it back down hard with BOTH hands. Score: 25

Dunk 2
X-Factor - This would have been the craziest ever. He tried three times, THREE! to pull this dunk off. He approached the goal and put the ball between his legs twice, but got stuck on the rim each time. So, instead, he had JO sit in a chair several feet in front of the goal and hold the ball just above his head. He ran up and did a reverse spin, grabbed the ball under him (it was already there), and tried to slam it in a reverse. Once again, he got caught by the rim. The second, and final time, he approached again, jumped off both feet, caught the ball under him, then floated a bit further toward the rim and slammed it on the side. It was a beautiful dunk... but he had taken so many tries. There was a bunch of discussion between the judges, and finally, they raised the final score, and Chris "Cyrux" Rice did the right thing. The Final Score: 24
Phenom - Phenom had to think of something that would get a perfect score. If he didn't, he would be completely screwed. Phenom had me, Like Mike, Birdie, and Zack Attack crouch down in front of the goal. I sat in the middle, and held the ball. He approached quickly, jumped off both feet in front of us, and I tossed the ball up. He caught it, THEN did a 360 and slammed it over all four of us. Final Score: 25


Cyrux held up a 4 for The Phantom AKA The X-Factor. Phenom ACTUALLY beat X-Factor. It was the craziest. X-Factor didn't even seem angry. He seemed quite ecstatic at Phenom's dunking abilities. They shook hands, exchanged smiles, and conversed about dunking for the remainder of the break. People ACTUALLY started asking for Phenom's and X-Factor's autographs. It was the greatest thing ever.


So, a bit later, the game started back up. I passed the ball in to Zack Attack. He brought it up the court and immediately drained a 3 right overtop JO. Next play, JO brought the ball up, but I came in out of his blind spot, and grabbed the ball from him. I approached the rim quickly, from the left baseline, bounced it off the ground, and finished with a 360. Everybody cheered.

"What now, bitch?!" I screamed at JO. I played him hard. I was practically on top of him. But he managed to throw an alley-oop past me, which was caught by Human Torch, who finished with a reverse slam right on top of Scarecrow. The ball was passed in to Zack Attack, who got to the perimeter, faked a shot, and made a mid-air pass to Unstoppable in the paint. As soon as he caught the ball, Unstoppable posted up, spun, and dunked a powerful slam right on top of Goliath.

"DAYAMN!" People were screaming from the crowd. "He may be Unstoppable, but he's like white child of Amaré!". The trend caught on and everyone started calling him "Amaré Jr." And just like that, a new player was born.... for the most part...

A few plays later, D-Mill brought it up the court, and I guarded him hard. He drew up for a shot, but I jumped higher than him, and slammed the ball from his hand, and sent him falling to the ground. It was a clean cut, and the refs knew it, so D-Mill didn't get the foul. As soon as I touched the ground, I sprinted after the rock. I got it at about half-court and then started charging toward the rim. I saw I had a clear drive, so I bounced the ball off the glass, caught it at my prime height, and slammed both my elbows into the rim, for the double rim hook. It was nasty. After the crowd started reacting, I slid down to my hands, and lifted myself into a Spyda Hang. Then, I started to rock back and forth, before getting just beyond parallel with the rim, and I did a backflip off the rim and landed it, toppling backwards and pointing at the crowd.

Okay, so I'm a bit of a showboater and a crowd-feeder. Whoopdie-shit.

So, just under half the time was up, and I was doing a better job. We were still losing 73-77, but we had possession and could narrow that down to a 1-2 point deficit. The problem was getting the ball to someone that could score. Especially seeing as how everyone was being guarded hard, and Zack Attack was the only one that wasn't being guarded as tightly.

"C'mon, Attack!" I screamed from behind King Flash, "Light it up!!" And then, it were as if you had opened each one of us up and replaced our skills with those of PROFESSIONAL ballers. From almost half-court, he threw the ball between D-Mill's legs with a bit of a backspin, and when D-Mill closed his legs in surprise, the ball spun around the outside, and came bouncing back to Zack Attack. Then, ZA, again, from almost half-court, pulled up for the shot. I flipped. There's no way he's going to make this one! So I started driving toward the rim. The ball flew over all of our heads, and it was as if everything was in slow motion. It was almost completely silent as people watched this damn-near-Hail-Mary shot go up. Then, as if the game had been unpaused, the ball returned to normal speed and sank lightly through the rim. The crowd went crazy.

We were back in this ball game. We trailed by one for a lot of the game, and we were hitting threes, twos... twos, twos, threes. It was insane. I pulled off a 360 in traffic, and slammed it right on top of The Phantom, and Amaré Jr. mashed it down on top of D-Mill a couple times. Phenom laid down a Vince Carter-esque 360 windmill on a fast break, and then later pulled off one of the sickest in-game dunks: a double windmill... He approached on the right side on a fast break, checked the drive security, and the opposition was being screened back at the other side. So he clutched the ball against his chest, then soared into the air, windmilling the ball twice in the air before slamming it behind him.

Then, as if it were the dunk contest again, a few plays later, X-Factor got an open lane and drove into it on the right side, and did a 360º to avoid a defender. But then, he saw that another defender was attempting to hit him immediately afterward, so he spun another 180º and finished the 540º dunk with emphasis, causing the crowd to lose control.

So, we had just a few seconds left in the game. We were definitely losing by two, and I was kicking ass. My stats were 33 points, 11 rebounds, 11 assists, 9 blocks, and 4 steals. Well, Phantom decided to put up a mid-lane two-point shot, which I blocked hard, earning my quadruple-double. I grabbed the ball and ran up the court, the time counting down from 7.

Each step I took, I felt the stress building upon me.
Each step I took, I felt the hopes of my crew, my ballin' family, fall onto my shoulders.
Each step I took, I felt the meaning of "clutch shooter" sink deep into my skin.

I didn't want to go to overtime. Overtimes suck, and I just wanted to end this. Being followed heavily by X-Factor, who was known for his fast-break, comin'-outta-nowhere blocks, I decided to fake him out. I dribbled with my right, came up the right side of the court. Then, when he came from the left baseline and approached to steal the ball right from my hands, I put it behind my back, causing him to stumble to his face. Then, with hardly more than a second left, I elevated, released the ball, and let it fly through the air.

Silence. Silence. Silence.

Suddenly, an airhorn, followed by an explosion of thunder, followed by an explosion of screams, disappointed and happy. I fell backwards and landed on my back. Rain started to fall softly onto my face and sweaty body. I heard people screaming everywhere, then, out of nowhere, I felt my players lift me onto their shoulders, and I pointed up to the sky, where the sun was hardly shining through.

We won, 93-92.

There wasn't even a single bit of hatred between our crews. We were cool with each other, and definitely surprised that we made it this far. It was insane.

In the end, we won, Phenom beat The Phantom AKA The X-Factor, and Unstoppable became "Amaré Jr.". It was definitely a good day and a great game.

By the way, propz to my homie and one real follower of this blog, Eric AKA The Truth, straight outta the Bronx, NYC, New York. Peace out, guys, and we'll see you our next game... Peace out.

Thursday, June 08, 2006

June 8 - Game 2 - Away vs. Brown County Ballers

Well, on the sixth, I decided to go ahead and schedule our game for Thursday, seeing as how I didn't work, it was a decent amount of time away from our last game, and they hadn't called us yet. So, I called their "leader", Mitch "Mew" Wininger, and told him in a very professional manner that I was ready to schedule our game and such for Thursday... This is what happened:

Matrix: Hey, is Mitch Wininger there?
Mew: Yeah, it's me. Who is this?
Matrix: This is Tyler Margison, Matrix, from Team Revolution in the BCSBL, and I was calling to--
Mew: Hey, are you that bitch, Zach Margison's, brother?
Matrix: Excuse me?
Mew: Are you Zach Margison's brother?
Matrix: Yes. Did you call him a bitch?
Mew: Yeah, he's a little bitch. You got a problem with it?
Matrix: (starting to get slightly ticked at the brat) Yeah, I'd rather you not talk about my brother like that.
Mew: Oh, shut the hell up, man. He's just as bad as your guys' cousin, Jacob.
Matrix: Well, then... (avoiding conflict) I'm just calling to schedule a game between The Revolution, my team, and the BC Ballers, your team. It'll be played at your court, and we'll see you at five o'clock. I'll see your ass at the courts.
*CLICK*

So, this kid's a little dickhead, so I thought that I'd ask the rest of the crew to be matched up with him for the game, and then match Like Mike against him when I wasn't playing. Give him the whole famn-damily tree if he wanted it. But, seeing as how Jesse "Pick-Up" Perkins and Like Mike were somewhat rivals, I'd set them up together when I wasn't on the court. I had a whole thing set up for this, too.

Thursday afternoon, I ate my traditional string cheese, enjoyed it, did a lot of focusing, before hitching a ride with Zack Attack over to Artist's Drive. Seeing as how I don't have my car, it is always very helpful that we are neighbors.

When I got there, I doubted I would even need to have eaten my lucky cheese. These kids weren't even wearing official "uniforms". But seeing as how it's streetball, we didn't take anything away from them. They got what they deserved in multiple posterizations and schoolings. So go us.


The Revolution:
Starting 5:
Ce: Austin "Scarecrow" Martin
PF: Levi "Unstoppable" Law
SF: Ethan "Phenom" Scott
SG: Tyler "Matrix" Margison
PG: Zack "Attack" Stant
Bench:
Zach "Birdie" Walker
Miles "Kid Kobe" Lane
Jacob "Like Mike" Percifield
Kenny "Most Known Thug" Baker
Wraythe "Dubz" Parker


Brown County Ballers:
Starting 5:
Ce: Adam "A-Wall" Walls
PF: George "G-Unit" Harden
SF: Jason "Jay-P/JP" Perkins (One year older than Pick-Up)
SG: Mitch "Mew" Wininger
PG: Jesse "Pick-Up" Perkins
Bench:
None, really. They are such a pathetic team, they don't even have enough players to sub in or out.... *sigh*


OFFICIALS:
NOTE: We brought ours, because the BCB's weren't prepared enough for it...
Referees:
Kevin Clark (In the process of joining the team, this is part of his work as a "pledge", to earn team respect)
Stuart Coulter (Not EXACTLY a basketball person, but knows the basics)

Scorekeepers:
Danny McMasters
Andrew McMasters
Timekeepers:
Shotclock: Mitch Coleman
Game Time: Nick Coleman>


Match-Up of the Game:
Matrix & Like Mike vs. Mew & Pick-Up:
I'd just like to start by saying this match-up is definitely necessary now. It may not have been in the first game, which is why I hadn't thought of it yet. But now, it's personal. Like Mike will be going up against Pick-Up, and I will be facing little Mew. Let's see if they're game's where their mouth is.


Now, I just want to start this by saying that this was honestly the most pathetic attempt at a game I've ever seen. Not by my team. I won't tell you the score now, but my team kicked ass against the BCB's. Unfortunately, for the Ballers, they were quite inadequate, and I guess their first game didn't affect them in any way, so far as losing by thirty-some.

So, we started with the jump ball. It was me against (guess who?) Mew. I didn't even jump. I mean, I jumped for the sake that it was a jump ball, but my feet came an inch off the ground. Meanwhile, he jumped three or four times to get as high as I did, and I just pulled it out of the air. So, I'm standing there with the ball, both hands over my head, and he's jumping up to get the ball and such, so I decide to just start the moves there. I pushed him off of me, and he staggered back, then came up and played "defense" when I started dribbling. I started off with a classic: the bounce off the head, made famous by players such as Hot Sauce, AO, Pharmacist, and the NBA's own Jason Richardson. Except, I did it three or four times in a row. So, after that, he came up on me and tried to get the ball from my hands, so I threw it over his head, to Zack Attack, who came up behind Mew, and bounced it off the back of his head. But as it was coming back, instead of grabbing it, Attack punched it, and it bounced off Mew's head a couple more times, before he finally turned around, and the ball bounced off his nose, causing him to fall on his back.

Then, while Mew was turned around, I ran up court, and, with his back to me, Zack Attack passed the ball behind his back, right into my hands, and then, with my back to the rim, I threw it right up, and Scarecrow approached quickly, and slammed it down with both hands, in a Greg Oden/David Robinson sort of way. You know, that two-handed power dunk that just seems to rock the whole court, and seemingly pulls down the goal. Yeah, that was it.

The very next play, JP is bringing the rock up the court, and I go to meet him, because I wanted to make this look good. So, he tried to dribble between his legs, quite miserably, and I got the steal then. He ran up on me, and tried to grab ahold of me like a football player, and so I treated him like a football player. I bounced the ball hard off the ground, so it was suspended for a moment, grabbed ahold of him, and spun, so that he lost his balance and fell over. Then, I grabbed the ball, drove to the uncontested goal, and dunked a nice 360 statue-of-liberty dunk.

So, about three minutes of game time later, I was standing at the perimeter, watching as the opposing team tried to quintuple-team me. As in, all five players were going after me. So, I threw the ball over all of their heads (They were about 5-foot even, on average), and Phenom got to the goal quickly, just about missed the goal, and tossed the ball over his head, back to the goal. Then, Zack Attack came up, grabbed the ball, and Attacked the goal with a one-handed power jam that made everyone on the court scream in appreciation. Everyone except, of course, the opposing team. Wanna know the score at that point? Really? 3-24. No joke, they were THAT bad. And the only reason they had three points was because they argued an obviously-not AND-1 play, and Kevin gave it to them, just to shut them the Hell up.

The whole time, we were the Globetrotters. Definitely. Like, these kids were trying to follow us and stuff, but we were always one step ahead. For example, I was guarding Mew like nothing else, and he went to pass to A-Wall. Well, Birdie grabbed the interception, and went running in toward the goal. I followed him up, and he threw it up to me for an alley-oop. But, I decided to show these little kids (none of them could dunk) that even short people could put it down. So, as soon as I caught the ball I threw it back up, and Birdie came up, grabbed it with one hand, and tomahawk slammed it right in. But, they were still unconvinced. So I decided to show them something even better. The 4-8 kid, shorter than all of them, dunking hard.

And he dunked hard. Really hard. It was insane. I didn't even know he could do this. I brought the ball up the court and flashed Like Mike's signal: a "star trek" hand gesture ("Live long and prosper"). So, Phenom acted like he was tying his shoe in front of the goal, and everyone ignored him. I threw the ball toward the rim, and I saw Like Mike appear out of nowhere, approached the goal, and launched himself off of Phenom's back. He spun in the air, caught the ball with his back to the goal, spun the rest of the way, and finished the 360 dunk. It was amazing. And it was even greater to see the little brats of BCB freak out to see this kid do this crazy stuff... but, they had to "prove" they were better.

So, we stood at half court as they had Pick-Up sit on his knees, and Mew tried to stand on his back, jump up and dunk it. They tried at least four times, as we stood at half court and watched, until I finally had had enough, and I ran up as he was just about to dunk. He was just about to dunk it, finally, when I came up, jumped over Pick-Up, and slammed the ball off the court, sending it flying, way into someone's yard, knocking over one of their fake flamingos. Everyone yelled and jumped around, and Mew fell on the ground (simply because I was practically on top of him when I blocked him), and I stood over him and stared him down.

"WHAT NOW, BEEYOTCH!?" I screamed, using my foot to roll him over on his side while he quivered in fear. Haha, I'm a beast.

So half-time came and Zack Attack stopped to smoke a cigarette. He didn't really need one, but he did it just to piss those little kids off. And it worked. They were like "Ew, that's so gross!". So we said "Oh Zack, you're so cool, man! I wish I was that cool!" and Unstoppable walked up and said, "Oh, man, let me try something!" And he took the cigarette, and took a drag, and blew it out reluctantly, and we all went "Oh, Levi! You're cool, now too! Wow, I've never seen two cooler people ever in my life!!" So the kids got mad and started bitching at us...

"Yeah, cigarettes are cool. I smoke a lot. I'm just...out". Wow, how pathetic. I mean, that was really bad. "Yeah, Jacob, you're not cool enough to smoke cigarettes!" Idiots. That set Like Mike OFF. He ran up and got in Mew's face.

LM: What'd you say, bitch?
Mew: I said you're not cool, 'cause you don't smoke cigarettes!
LM: Oh, and YOU'RE cool? You've never touched a cigarette in your life!
Mew: (he started to get defensive here) Well, yeah, I have! Well... when I've brought them to my mom! I'm still cooler than your cousin, Zach!
Matrix: (Oh, I got set off on this one) You little punk, what'd you say about my brother??
Mew: I said I'm cooler than him!
Matrix: (Up in his face now) Oh yeah? Well, let's take for instance that he's beaten me in a game of one-on-one before, he's blocked me before, and Hell, he's even dunked on me before. What have you done? OH YEAH, about two minutes before half-time, I made you my BITCH!
Mew: Whatever, you're brother's a bitch.
Matrix: Oh, bitch, you didn't.

I picked him up by his shirt, and threw him down, and stood right over him, and put my foot on his chest.

Matrix: What'd you say about my brother?
Mew: BITCH BITCH BITCH!! HAHA

My crew was holding all of the rest of the Ballers back, while I beat down this punk. I picked him back up by his shirt, and held him over my head. Meanwhile, my brother was sitting on the sideline, laughing at this little punk-ass. So, I held him with my left hand, and uppercut him with my right. Not really hard, but enough to knock the air out of him. I dropped him back down, and he coughed and I even think I heard him start crying. But I left him there while Attack finished his cigarette and started practicing.

So, after half-time, we played hard, as if we needed to. I dunked on Mew twice, finishing by accidentally kicking him in the face before dropping to the ground.

There was about thirty seconds left on the clock, so we approached the goal when it was our turn, and I stood at the line. Then, I dribbled a bit, and sat down on the ball. I just sat there and waited. What else was I going to do? Finish these kids off one more time? Oh... well, I guess so.

They all started to walk to the paint, and stand there, and all five of them got bored and stood in a small group, talking to each other. What a small group of stupid five-foot idiots. So, I picked up the ball with a few seconds left, ran up quickly, jumped off both feet, and dunked right on them. Like literally, I reached up high, dunked the ball, and let my knees slide right over and on top of them. The crowd cheered and everyone lost control. I dropped down on top of them, and swung my arms around, causing them to clear out. Then, I did a superman pose, and went over to check the final score.

Want to take a guess? Yes? No? Yes? Yes.

The final score was... 11-82. They let us shoot a LOT of three-pointers, obviously. Most likely going to be the best record of the season, for a long time. On even better news, I had 36 points, 18 assists, 12 blocks, 4 steals, and 10 rebounds. Turnovers? Ha, you're funny. I had somewhere around -12 turnovers. It kind of made me really happy that I had more points than their team made altogether. It was good.

I think our next game is an away game against Armstrong. That should be fun. It's a long drive to Sprunica, but I have a bunch of friends out there, so maybe they'll stop by and visit us.

Tuesday, June 06, 2006

June 6 - Game 1 - Home vs. Bullet Train

I got a call from Phenom on Sunday afternoon:

"Hey man, I decided to go ahead and schedule our first game for tomorrow, at around 5, so you might want to make sure you're ready and have the uniforms and stuff ready. I gotta go, peace." Wow... thanks for letting me get a word in, Phenom.

With this knowledge, I decided to go and practice at Deer Run with Like Mike and Zack Attack for the rest of Sunday. We worked specifically on scoring and passing, mainly in-lane shots, seeing as how Like Mike and Attack were both perimeter shooters and passers. Being able to fake a pass, fake a shot, then drive hard in and put in a nice lay-up or easy dunk. Attack worked on his vertical and power dunks, but his biggest improvement was his maneuverable lay-ups and easy, efficient dunks. Like Mike ALSO worked on his vertical, seeing as how he's 4-8, and also worked and perfected a nice signature move: a mid-drive stop-and-shoot floater that elevated over everyone's heads, and sank most of the time.

The day of the game, I slept in a couple extra hours (about nine-thirty, seeing as how I wake up at about seven). After I woke up, I ate a bowl of granola with apple juice poured on top, a glass of milk, two pieces of toast, and piece of string cheese. Yes, it's weird, but the string cheese is a superstition. Then, I meditated to achieve a deep focus, which I used to watch my best AND-1 videos, and my "100 Greatest NBA Plays" DVD. I watched all of them twice, to improve the emphasis, and then ate another piece of string cheese, while doing some rhythmic breathing. Then, I stretched for a half hour, and went outside and practiced for an hour. Then, I came back inside, showered, did some more focusing and finally reached a sort of "basketball Nirvana", reaching the top of my focus and becoming one with my abilities. I could only hope that all our ballers were working at least half as much as I was. Otherwise, we could have some troubles.

I left for Deer Run with Attack and Like Mike at four o' clock. When we got there, we did some team practices and drills, but as we neared game time, we realized a problem. Birdie showed up a little late, and informed us of some EXTREMELY bad news. Seeing as how Jumpin' Jax and Prince James were roommates, and Jumpin' Jax was graduating as a junior, he had to move for college, and he was moving in at Prince James' fraternity, therefore pulling them from the team. Also, Reign Man recently informed us that he moved to a nearby urban area, Columbus. Something about taking care of his son. I didn't know he existed. He said he'd stop by occasionally, but as a spectator only, not playing. He will be wearing his uniform, and may be recognized before each game he's at. But, all three players' numbers and jerseys will be retired on a large extra piece of plywood, with their names and numbers on it.

So all-in-all, we had to start without two of our all-stars and one of our highflyers. This was going to be grrreat...

The Revolution:
Starting 5:
Ce: Levi "Unstoppable" Law
PF: Ethan "Phenom" Scott
SF: Tyler "Matrix" Margison
SG: Zack "Attack" Stant
PG: Jacob "Like Mike" Percifield
Bench:
Zach "Birdie" Walker
Miles "Kid Kobe" Lane
Austin "Scarecrow" Martin
Kenny "Most Known Thug" Baker
Wraythe "Dubz" Parker


Bullet Train:
Starting 5:
Ce: Caleb "White Shaq" Joy
PF: Josh "Kong" Smith
SF: Paul "Paul Wall" Risley
SG: Zeb "Z-Mac" McHale
PG: Logan "The Punisher" Snider
Bench:
Seth "inVincable" Mitchell
Darryl "Double-D" Davis
Nate " Nasty Nate AKA Boomerang" Isley


It was our largest crowd yet. Especially seeing as how it was opening day and we needed people for score- and time-keeping. There were about four- or five-dozen people there, not counting the two people we pulled for referee positions (Zach Margison, my brother, and Gabe Stant, Zack Attack's brother), the two we pulled for score-keeping (Danny and Andrew McMasters, siblings), the one we took for game-time-keeping (Nick Coleman), and one for shot-clock time-keeping (Mitch Coleman, twin brother).

Zach set us up for the tip-off, between Phenom and White Shaq. Everyone shook hands. We were wearing our white jerseys, with green lettering and black outline, and they were wearing dark gray ("silver") jerseys with white lettering and blue outline. The jump ball came, and White Shaq, being considerably taller than Phenom, got the ball off the jump and gave it to Punisher. Game starts.

Before, it was allll about fun, and nobody cared who won or whatever. It was about the highlights. But because someone decided to make a huge deal out of it, it was about winning. At least, for most it was. The originals (all of The Revolution, Paul Wall, Punisher, Boomerang, and some others from other teams) still played for fun.... their teammates were too busy looking at the W's and L's.

So the game starts, and Punisher brings up the ball. He got it to the perimeter, and set up to shoot, right over Like Mike. He faked it, and passed it right down to White Shaq, who backed up against Unstoppable. There's a reason we call him that. WS turned around to put up a dunk or a lay-up or something. We'll never know, because as soon as he turned and put the ball in the air, Unstoppable jumped high and slammed it down to the ground, causing it to bounce up into the air. The ball was grabbed by Phenom, who passed to Zack Attack, who saw Like Mike driving in. He went for the alley-oop, but the ball was touched on gently by Z-Mac. Just the little bit of indifference caused the ball to spin out of it's original trajectory, but that didn't stop Like Mike. It was a lot closer to him than he expected, but he continued to jump up, grab it, then avoid the Kong-block by going up-and-under to the other side of the goal and laying it up on the other side. First blood spilled by LM, two-to-nothing.

A few plays later, Like Mike made a nice impression. Punisher went for a pass from the top of the key to Kong at the mid-left corner. LM was at the right corner, and sprinted toward the ball when he saw it being passed, and got it right in mid-air. He continued with his sprint up the field, on the right baseline. Seeing Phenom approaching the same distance on the left baseline, and noticing Paul WAll between the two of them, Like Mike decided to use this to his advantage. As soon as they got inside the lane, Like Mike jumped to fake a lean-in lay-up, and instead, popped it right up, and across the lane. As it went up, it was moving out of the lane, and Phenom jumped and put his hand on the back of the ball, causing it to stop moving. He was moving into the lane diagonally. He caught the ball with his hand on the back, then moved his hand (and the ball) so that his hand was on the side of the ball. Then, he turned so he was right in front of the goal, and slammed it down hard, right on top of Paul Wall.

With a minute and a half until half-time, we were leading, 59-51. I was playing the crowd a lot, and totally schooling the hell out of Double-D. He thought he could take me. Instead, I bounced it off his head twice in a row before he ran up on me and pushed me over. So, as I was falling, I kicked the back of his knees, causing him to fall over. We were both knocked with technical fouls, and no shots were taken. We had a jump ball to decide possession, and inVincable won. He brought it up the court, and he was being triple-teamed by Zack Attack, Dubz, and I. Dubz finally got the ball from him, and he fell over in bewilderment. Dubz went running up the court on the left baseline, realized he was being followed by Attack and I, and he bounced it hard off the left side of the glass, slamming his hand off the backboard. Then, Attack approached on the left baseline, grabbed the ball, then floated to the other side, and bounced it off the other side of the glass, almost falling over by doing so. Then, I came up the middle of the lane, jumped, and caught the ball as it started to drift to the right. With my arm outstretched, holding the ball, I drifted underneath the hoop, and slammed it right over my head, ending the three-way alley-oop. It was the first one we'd ever done, and tonight, it wouldn't be the last.

We started half-time with the score at 63-54. During half-time, we had a slam dunk show-off. Not necessarily a contest of any sort, just a few people showing off some dunks that we know after resting. It was me, Phenom, Kid Kobe, Boomerang, Z-Mac, and inVincable.

We all kind of stood in a cluster, and we each had a basketball, except for Z-Mac, who had two. I went first, and started with an off-the-glass one-handed elbow-hang dunk. Everyone jumped around for it, clapped, cheered, etc. Z-Mac went next, did a 360, and slammed both balls after he finished spinning. Everyone jumped out their seats for that one, seeing as how it had never been done anywhere else by anyone else. Next, Boomerang came up. I was surprised. Instead of doing his signature dunk, he started from full court, ran down-court, jumped at least a full step outside the free-throw line, put the ball between his legs, and slammed it easily. Everyone found this quite interesting, and called him the "next James White".

Following Boomerang's spectacular dunk, Phenom went. He walked up to the goal and looked at it suspiciously. Then, he stepped back carefully to the mid-court line. He then ran toward the goal, bounced it off the glass, put it between his legs, then ended with a honeydip. He dropped to the ground, threw his jersey off, slammed his fists on his chest and screamed a manly roar as everyone stormed onto the court, and a small child jumped onto his back. Had it been a dunk contest, that probably would have won it all.

Kid Kobe went next. He set the ball several feet in front of the goal. He ran up, did a cartwheel, grabbed the ball when his hands were on the ground, touched the ground just long enough to jump again, then windmilled it home. The crowd cheered, and he waved. Finally, inVincable came and did a double honeydip, with both arms. Everyone jumped out of their seats (not literally, there aren't really seats) and congratulated him nicely.

Second time around, there wasn't much interest for a couple of them. Z-Mac did an off-the-glass one-handed tomahawk from way back, and slammed it down hard, with his head almost at rim level. Boomerang did his normal 360 between-the-legs, and got some decent applause. Phenom approached the goal and did something nobody had seen in America. He did a double windmill. He cradled the ball and swung it clockwise twice before slamming it hard through the circle. Once again, people were all over him. Kid Kobe got me to throw an alley-oop from the three-point line, where he did a 360, caught it after spinning, then windmilled it home. I approached from full-court, jumped a step inside the line, and did a two-handed 360 slam, my secondary signature dunk.

Finally, inVincable then went and did the craziest dunk ever. He approached the goal with the ball in his right hand. He jumped off both legs, cupped the ball in his right, and started to put it behind his back. But, instead of doing so and dunking with his left, he touched the ball with his left, behind his back, then reached back around with his right, and finished the dunk. Everyone lost it and ran onto the court to escort him off on their shoulders. As they did so, the crowd reformed outside the court, and the teams had started practicing again.

Starting with a line-up of Phenom, Zack Attack, Scarecrow, Birdie, and I, we did quite well in the second half. In a fast break move, I brought the ball up the right baseline. I threw an alley-oop to the rim, which was caught by Birdie, who realized he wasn't going to be able to finish it, and threw it up and behind him. Zack Attack grabbed the ball and was about to dunk it, but accidentally plowed over inVincable, sending the ball bouncing off the back of the rim. Thinking the play was over, everyone stopped, but the cool-headed Scarecrow approached fast, jumped over the lying bodies of Attack, Birdie, and inVincable, and caught the ball with one hand. He then lifted his legs up, cocked his arm back, and slammed the whole thing down, hanging from the rim with one hand, to keep from falling onto his comrades and opponent.

A couple minutes later (score: 81-77), Kong and White Shaq were both out at the time, and everyone actually had to pay attention to the post. So, while the ball was in Nasty Nate's hands, and he was attempting to put in a simple lay-up, and all of Bullet Train and Birdie, Kid Kobe, Dubz, and I were all in the paint, attempting to get the rebound. Phenom was outside the key, waiting to see what happened. Finally, I jumped high enough and grabbed the ball myself, turning in mid-air to throw it to Phenom. Phenom got it and ran up the left baseline. Knowing he was alone, he approached quickly, jumped off one leg, and did something amazing. He put the ball behind his back, from right hand to left, and then, brought the rock in front of him, grabbed it with two hands, raised it above his head, and dunked it, landing on the ground and celebrating by picking up the ball and bouncing it hard on the ground. The crowd went wild.

With sixty seconds left on the clock, we managed to get possession a total of three times off of steals, all except one ending with me making the point. First, Zack Attack stole it from Punisher when he tried to throw the rock over his head. He and I came running up on opposite sides of the lane, and we passed the ball back and forth playfully as we came up the court, then he jumped, put the ball between his legs, and threw an alley-oop to me. I caught the ball as it was just about out of reach, with both my hands, pulled back the ball, almost touching my shoulder blades, and lifting my legs up for effect. Then, I finally uncoiled myself and slammed it down hard through the rim.

Then, the next play, Dubz stole the inbound pass, while I was still on the down court. He jumped as it was in the air, toward the out-of-bounds line, grabbed the ball in mid-air, hit the ground, jumped again and threw the ball toward the rim. The ball was about four feet from the rim. So I ran up from the left corner, jumped in between the goal and the rock, reached way back and grabbed the ball, then reached forward and dunked it, pulling hard on the rim to add effect.

The third happened after two fast possessions. With about thirty seconds left, inVincable tried to dunk and I got on him fast and blocked it hard against the glass. Phenom got the rebound and threw it downcourt to Like Mike, who approached the goal, bounced the ball in front of the goal, and stood still in front of the ball's trajectory. Then, Most Known Thug ran up to the goal and jumped from in front of LM and grabbed the ball. He pulled his hand back after he grabbed the ball, and soared right over Like Mike. Then, MKT surprised us all by soaring further to the goal with one hand up, then grabbing it with two, pulling it to his back, and slamming it down hard, to end the game. The final score was 96-84. I guess the Bullet Trains didn't take the game very seriously, did they?

Our next game will be soon, I just have to make time around work and high school summer basketball practice. I'm almost going to feel bad playing this next team. It's an away game against the Brown County Ballers from the Artist's Drive Courts. They're just a bunch of cocky kids that think they can play ball. They honestly are constantly saying they "schooled someone", when, in fact, they got their asses taken down to Chinatown. I guess I can look forward to hearing them brag about "how good they were", and then be able to go "Oh yeah, I believe this says you're record is 0-15". So yeah, that'll be cool.

Look out Artist's Drive BC Ballers, we're comin' to get ya'!

Friday, May 26, 2006

May 26 - BCSBL League Info!

I was just sitting at my computer earlier today, when my phone rang. So, doing what any human would, I picked up the phone, put the receiver to my face, and answered with a pleasant "Hello?", with a slight bit of confusion in my tone due to the fact that the caller ID didn't pick up the name.

"Get online and go to chat room 'Brown County SBA', immediately." It sounded like Logan "The Punisher" Snider, but before I could ask any questions, he hung up, and I was forced to follow his not-so-pleasant commands.

After a quite extensive conversation with a little more than a half dozen Brown County players, I found out some more news: there is now a streetball "league" in Brown County. Dubbed, so cleverly, the Brown County Street Ball League.

There was a surprising amount of new teams. There was, of course, The Revolution, Team Bullet Train, and Swingspike. But, overnight, the following had come out of the dark: "Armstrong", balling out of the Sprunica Elementary Courts; the "BC Ballas", the cleverly-named team of yuppies that played at Artist's Drive Park; "Jetrunner", from the Helmsburg Elementary School district; "Street Pirates", some "gangster ballas" from the Cordry-Sweetwater Beach area; and finally, "KALi4ÑA", who claimed the Van Buren Elementary School ball-courts as their home.

In case you're wondering, yes, we do have four elementary schools in the county, each one set in different sections of the county. Helmsburg, Sprunica, and Van Buren are all out of the base town, Nashville, and are spread in different areas of the county, while Nashville E. is found right in the dead center. Also, there was the rich Cordry-Sweetwater area, right on a large lake that had a beach. Right outside the beach, there are two courts: one with regulation goals, and another with BCSBL "regulation" goals. There's the Artist's Drive courts, where the "BC Ballas" get to play while their parents buy them mountains of useless crap, and they get to act like they're "all-that". Personally, I feel they're too young to play in the league, seeing as how nobody above the age of twelve is going to be participating on their team. And finally, the newest addition to the Brown County High School was "Eagle Park", an area about a mile from the actual school building, which was made for cross-country, baseball, and softball. But, fortunately, they also added three courts, each with changeable rim heights. This is where, despite their loss of Deer Run to us, Swingspike found a place to reside (NOTE: Our high school team is the "Brown County Eagles", hence "Eagle Park").

So, yes, we're officially starting a "league", now. Schedules and everything. Each team has to buy their own equipment, and our equivalent to "referees" (seeing as how we don't really have rules), as well as scorekeepers and timekeepers, are to be picked from the crowd, or "hired" by the team. Ten minute halves, with five minute halftimes, unless there was any kind of "half time show". At the end of every "season" (fifteen games, two for each team, and one randomized game at the end of the season), there's a single-elimination tournament ("play-offs") that lasts a total of five or six days, and is based on end-of-season standings.

Finally, two days after the finals game, the MVP and runner-up have a draft to pick the two all-star teams, and have to play at the MVP's home court. Then, the MVP picks the eight best dunkers in the league, and they have a three-round, two-dunk showdown. With three judges scoring each dunk out of ten, and an unlimited amount of retries. Then, he picks the top four shooters in the league,a nd they participate in a two-round, twelve ball (nine regular, three money-ball, total of fifteen points) three-point shootout.

Also, there are new rules with fouls and such. Instead of instating foul shots into the game, we have a simple "AND-1 Foul" Rule. If a referee calls a foul while a player is in the process of shooting or making a shot, then an "AND-1" is called. Instead of simply sending them to the foul line, they receive the extra point. This call is ONLY made by referees. After the ref calls the foul, a thirty-second time-out is taken, and is not deducted from either team. However, if a foul is called by a ref, and the player doesn't make the shot, he is sent immediately to the foul line.

In essence, the whole league is basically an anarchy. The "leader(s)" of each team make up the league council, and they take a vote and decide what happens so far as league decisions. This helped end dictator-like decisions that the players and teams did not support.

Now, here's our schedule for the year:

GAME | HOME | AWAY |
01 | The Rev. | Blt. Train |
02 | BCB | T.R. |
03 | Arms. | The.R |
04 | Revolution | KALi4ÑA |
05 | Revolution | S.Pirates |
06 | Revolution | Swingspike |
07 | Jet-R | The-R |
08 | The.R | Arms. |
09 | Street.P | T.Revo |
10 | Bullet.T | Revolution |
11 | KALi4ÑA | Revolution |
12 | T.R | BCB |
13 | T.R. | Jet.R |
14 | Swingspike | The Revolution |
15 | The Revolution | Swingspike |


So, my personal projected look at it says we definitely won't have to worry about the BC Ballers. They're a joke to the league, like the Grizzlies or the Hornets. Who plays for them, anyway? Street Pirates don't look TOO threatening, but I've never played against some of the people there before, so who knows? I don't even think KALi4ÑA will even show up, seeing as how they only have four players so far. Armstrong is a genuinely nice team, Bullet Train we have experience with, as we do with Swingspike. Jetrunners seem to be a bunch of sophisticated players, who really don't use moves. Players like the leader Brian "Jet" Lawrence, Zach "Squints" Groover, and Brandon "BB" Barnes. Hell, I didn't even know they played ball.

One great thing about this scheduling is that it doesn't consist of specific dates, simply game numbers. You can play them whenever you want, you just have to follow the rules: (a) the home team HAS to make sure the other team knows about the game at least a day beforehand, and (b) you can't move to the next game before playing one. For example, you can't move to games 3-15 before playing game 2. Although, if the visiting team goes three days without word from the home team, they must contact them. If a team doesn't show up for a game, there is not a sufficient amount of players, the home team is unreachable, etc., the game is counted as a loss for the home team. It is ALWAYS the home team's responsibility to set up games.

So, this sounds like fun. Seeing as how school lets out in a couple days, and I'm going to Los Angeles on Saturday, I won't be playing any games soon. But, as soon as I get back, I have a feeling that I'll be playing a game within a day of getting home.

Wednesday, May 24, 2006

May 22 - New Competition; Saving Deer Run Courts

Okay, so we found out some QUITE intriguing news recently. Since school is letting out soon, there was going to be a lot more basketball being played soon. That's not the news.

A few days before the end of school, Phenom, Zack Attack, Birdie, Like Mike, Scarecrow and I were heading toward the Nashville Elementary Courts, when we saw a crazy sight: A large black piece of plywood with the words "NEP: Home to Team Bullet Train" spray-painted in white and red, with basketballs and such as well. Also, all around it, the signatures of nicknames of the players were on it. Some familiar names: Punisher, Paul Wall, Nasty Nate AKA Boomerang; as well as some unfamiliar ones (some seeming to be comparing themselves to NBA players): White Shaq, inVincable, Double-D, Z-Mac, and what appeared to be Kong.

So we walked over and checked to see what all this was about, and there were some papers next to it. One of them read, and I quote:

"We, the Brown County Bombers, hereby claim the Nashville Elementary Playground basketball courts as our own and are, from here on out, our home court. Anyone that wants to try to dispute this must face our team in a real 'regulation' game. Any questions can be handed over to Logan 'The Punisher' Snider or Zeb "Z-Mac" McHale.

Sincerely,
The Bullet Trains."

Maybe you're thinking, "What the hell?" Well, yeah, that's what we thought, too. They were damn near stealing our courts away from us. So we got in Zack Attack's car and drove out to a new court that was hardly used, because it was so broken down. It was at Artist's Drive, a little neighborhood full of yuppie bitches. But deep inside, there were some decent basketball courts. And guess what? Once we got out there, there was a bunch of the young, local, yuppie bastards playing their form of "streetball". It was Mitch "The Bitch" Wininger, Jesse Perkins, and a bunch of other little kids without testicles or talent. Around sixth grade-ish. Even if we wanted to claim that spot, we wouldn't have any trouble.

So we did what we had to do: We drove as fast as possible to Deer Run. and we saw a bunch of ballers lookin' around as if they were going to claim the place. Luckily, we pulled in exactly at the right time.

"Bitches, what the fuck?" Zack Attack screamed, holding a basketball at his side. We were all already in our outfits, and we were all pissed.

"C'mon man, we're just about to claim this spot," the person who appeared to be the leader said. There were about six of them, and I knew a couple. One was Casey "Stomp" Herrin, large and better than the "stereotypical buff guy". He was about 5'10", had huge Governator-like muscles, and always slammed the ground like a wrestler whenever he was playing perimeter defense. The other was Jeremy "J-Beck AKA Triple-X" Beckham. He recently overdosed on a bunch of different pills, and was addicted to them, so he used basketball to help fix his addiction. He's a starter on the high school junior varsity team, just like Phenom, and is about the same caliber as Phenom. They are both two of the best all-star players in the town.

Also on the team were people like Rich "Richie Rich" Hoffsetter, who was supposed to be rolling with us, and Miles "Kid Kobe" Lane, who was another great all-star who was supposed to be on our team, but had lost the 3-on-3 try-out game.

"This is Swingspike territory, now," J-Beck said. And then, as if it was already a sealed deal, he simply turned around and started shooting hoops.

"OH HO HO," I screamed, approaching the court, "I don't freakin' think so, man. We arrived at the same time, I feel we should settle this like two real crews fighting for one real court. We're going to play for it." J-Beck looked almost scared that they would have to face us. Birdie walked up.

"One game to twenty-one," he said, defending his home court with heart, "Win by two, winners get the court and one player from the other team." I looked at him in shock.

"Wait a minute, man," I said quietly to him, approaching him quickly, "They have Richie Rich, Kid Kobe, and Triple-X. They beat us, they're definitely gonna take Phenom."

"Then I guess we won't be losing, then, will we?" Birdie said, grinning and taking the ball from my hands. How was I supposed to say no, now? Just refuse to claim our court? Let's get started.


The Revolution:
MaTrix
Phenom
Zack Attack
Birdie
Scarecrow
Like Mike (SUB)


Swingspike:
Richie Rich AKA R2
Kid Kobe
J-Beck AKA Triple-X
Superman
Baby Beast
Stomp (didn't play due to some pre-game ankle problems)



Okay, biggest game of the season, and the court and our star player are on the line. There were only four or five people there, and two others served as refs, while another kept score. The jump ball was between Phenom and 6-1 Jeff "Baby Beast" Kelso. Beast meaning Ben "The Beast" Wallace, because their games were almost identical: defensive rebound = pass to another player; offensive rebound = power dunk on ANYONE; passed in the paint = SEE "OFFENSIVE REBOUND". He was the most powerful player around, and I, being the tiny blocker I am, have only blocked him twice since I've known him. It also helped that he had at least a two-foot vertical, which is about what I have, but helps him more seeing as how he's freakin' huge.

So Phenom grabbed the jump ball, because BB was somewhat uncoordinated with his hands. He was one of Dubz's and Zack Attack's closest friends, but seeing as how they are the only two on TR that like him, I refused to let him on the team because of his bad attitude, asshole-ness, and drug addiction. Phenom brought it up the court and passed it to me at the perimeter. Richie Rich, having played on my team for awhile, tried to play D on me, but I managed to cross him up just enough to get by him. I drove into the paint and seemingly went for a dunk, but instead, I slammed the ball and my hand hard off the backboard. At that, Scarecrow brought his long, lanky self up to the rim, grabbed the ball off the oop, and slammed it down, right on top of Triple-X. Everyone cheered for him, and he and I pointed at each other in association.

The following play, Kid Kobe brought it up, and brought meaning to his name. He came up the right baseline, did a fast between-the-legs crossover past Zack Attack, drove it in, and jumped from outside the lane, pulling his legs up, and bringing his arm way back, before swinging his arm back forward, and dunking strongly right on top of Birdie. He had jumped to attempt the block, but instead was hit hard and thrown to the ground, while KK hung from the rim with one arm, and looked around in astonishment.

A few plays later, though, Birdie tried to get him back. He had the ball at three-point range, and had KK guarding him. In one fast motion, though, Birdie spun, holding the ball right over KK, and came back around to see KK with his back to him. Birdie threw it hard off KK's back, who spun back around and came after him, but he threw the ball between Kid Kobe's legs, and ducked underneath his arms. On the other side, Birdie retrieved the ball, which was being chased down by Superman. But Birdie grabbed it off the ground, jumped immediately after grabbing it, right into Superman, who was still accelerating after the inexistent ball. Birdie, as soon as he got into the air, popped the ball to the rim, and I came running from the free-throw line, jumped a few steps inside, grabbed it, and finished it, leaning almost completely horizontal. Specifically because my body was being supported by Baby Beast's shoulders, where they had came in contact with and landed after I had jumped.

So, somehow, there was a scoring problem, and we couldn't keep track of all the points that had been scored, so we called it 19-19, jump ball for possession. They won the jump ball, this time with Superman, their own personal highflyer. Richie Rich got the ball and started to bring it up. Upon doing so, he jumped to shoot a three-point shot over Like Mike, who had subbed in for Scarecrow, then passed immediately down to Superman, who was still driving inside. He grabbed the dime, and as soon as he did so, he took two steps and went to dunk it gently, to get the final point, and win. Well, seeing as how I really didn't want to lose Phenom, rights to Deer Run, and this game, I saw him approaching the paint, and came SPRINTING (and I don't sprint) after him, and jumped right as he did. Once he got to the top of his jump and was about to dunk it, I slammed the ball against the backboard, causing the ball to reflect off, right into the hands of none other than Like Mike. He came running up the court, and Phenom got on his hands and knees right as he did, leaving the paint open. LM got to Phenom, jumped off his back, did a 360, and slammed it off the glass. Right behind him came Zack Attack, who, instead of finishing with his signature, two-handed power Attack, jumped beyond Phenom, did a crazy full-windmill, and slammed it hard, causing the escalating crowd to go crazy.

Okay, so it's 20-19, and Swingspike has two fantastic three-point shooters, who each had a nice handle, and damn near the best dimes around. So they had a nice chance. R2 brought the ball up and handed it off to J-Beck, who held onto it for a few seconds, before spinning quickly around Like Mike, and entering the paint. He handed it off to Baby Beast, who, for a first, instead of dunking it right off the bat, handed it back to Triple-X after he was further into the paint. Then, immediately after receiving the ball, he jumped toward the goal, and elevated with the ball in his right hand. Unfortunately for him, Phenom was entering the paint as well, and for a different reason than Triple-X. In an ultimate all-star showdown, Phenom jumped up, chest-to-chest, face-to-face with his balling arch-rival and almost-twin, J-Beck AKA Triple-X. It was probably the best poster that could ever be made, was of those seeming five minutes of slow-motion where Triple-X tomahawked it toward the goal, only to be swiftly blocked and slammed hard to the ground by Phenom, which sent the ball hurtling downcourt, into the hands of I, Matrix. So, with Zack Attack, J-Beck, and Baby Beast on the far end of the court, stalled, and not moving, and with Birdie, Phenom, Richie Rich, and Kid Kobe approaching the goal quicker than the others, I decided to do what I do best: Dunk.

I got just outside the lane, jumped off two legs, and did a two-handed reverse-360 double-pump slam (sounds like a lot, but it's really simple), and was about to dunk it when Superman got the ultimate payback. As I was finishing my spin, he came up and slammed it out of my hands, and it bounced hard off the back of the rim. Right as the game looked as though it hung in the balance of which tall player or which high jumper would get the rebound for the other team, pass up to the two uncontested players up court, and win with a last-second three-point shot.... Phenom approached.

He jumps high. I mean REALLY HIGH for a kid his height and race. In dunk contests before, he's jumped COMPLETELY over me, and I didn't even feel a thing. Had my head up and everything, and saw him soar completely over me and dunk it. Now that's ups. Well, he came running up, saw the ball in the air, jumped from way back (probably two steps inside free-throw line, at most), and grabbed the ball in mid-air. Oh, yes, but that's not the end. He could have waited that hour and a half for his hang time to wear off, land, then jump again and lay down some simple lay-up or a dunk. But instead, he decided to show off a dunk I did for recreation. He did it for game-winning-ness. With the ball clasped tightly in his right hand, he soared the great distance, and slammed the ball down, with his elbow in the rim. He hung there a few seconds before screaming at the top of his lungs "FEEL THE REVOLUTION, BABY!!" He dropped back down, and everyone from our team ran up to him and started screaming and w00ting and such.

Then, with the black plywood board that Swingspike had brought for themselves, and the lime green spray paint Zack Attack always kept in his car (for some reason), we let Phenom do the honors of writing, in graffiti:

THE REVOLUTION


Which was quickly followed by him writing his street signature. We all finished with ours and then, directly under "The Revolution", we put "DEER RUN HOME COURT". Yeah, we earned our name that day, and got Kid Kobe onto our team, finally. Even though we managed to lose him in the try-outs, we finally got him, one way or another. We finally earned our court, and earned the name of the best crew in BC, so far.

Sunday, May 21, 2006

May 20 - The Revolution Profiles

Seeing as how some of you probably have NO clue who any of these people are, I figured I'd type up some profiles about them. I'm going to post some more later, like Logan "The Punisher" Snider, Paul "Wall" Risley, and a few others. They aren't on Revolution, but if they worked hard enough and got their heads out of their asses, maybe they could be. Until then, here is a profile for every one of the ballers on The Revolution.


Name: B. Tyler Margison
Nickname: Matrix
Age: 16
Height: 5'6"
Location: Da' 812, Nashville, Indiana, USA
Position: Guard/Forward
Specialty: Dimes & Dunks
Got Nickname: While teammates were discussing Shawn Marion, they watched Margison do crazy moves and dunks, better than that of the original, so they started calling him the real "Matrix". The name just stuck, and it's been that way ever since.
Signature Dunk: Off-The-Glass Honeydip
Signature Move: Droppin' Dimes
Signature Dime: No-Look 180 Behind-the-Back
Signature Alley-Oop: Between-the-Legs, Over-The-Back
Crew: The Revolution
Everyday Kicks: AND1 Fusions
Ballin' Kicks: AND1 Fly Mids, AND1 Grip Mids
Gear: Black signature hat, black sleeve on right, black tank, black shorts, black strap on left knee, and black wristband on left.
Favorite Court: Deer Run Park, Nashville Elementary Playgrounds


Name: Kenny Baker
Nickname: Most Known Thug (MKT)
Age:15
Height: 5'6"
Location: Nashville, Indiana, USA
Position: Forward
Specialty: Handles, Dimes, Shots, Power, Defense
Got Nickname: He was playing in a game with some from friends of his, and a bunch of us from Revolution showed up, and when we shot for teams, everyone wanted him, and everyone knew him. Seeing as how he dressed quite like a gangster, I leaned over to him and said "Man, you're the Most Known Thug out here..." and it was a huge joke. But when he was playing, I was out-of-bounds, resting and commentating, and he went up and laid down a nasty one-handed posterizer right on Reign Man, and everyone started cheering "KEN-NY! KEN-NY!" and I went "MOST KNOWN THUG WITH THE POSTERIZATION!" Later on, he smashed through two defenders and slammed it with both hands, and the whole crowd started chanting "M-K-T! M-K-T!" And he played the crowd by running up, putting his hand to is ear and going "WHAT?!"
Signature Dunk: A one-handed posterizer preferably on someone bigger or better than him.
Crew: The Revolution


Name: Ethan Scott
Nickname:Phenom
Age:16
Height: 6'1"
Location: Nashville, Indiana, USA
Position: Forward
Specialty: All-Star
Got Nickname: Before The Revolution had been started, Matrix saw Scott playing in his high school gym, on 10-foot goals, and saw him kicking ass, then when he went outside to the Nashville Elementary Playground, and started dunking, Matrix called him a "Phenom" cuz he was awesome and only getting better.
Signature Dunk: Double-clutch 360
Crew: The Revolution


Name: Dave James
Nickname: Prince James
Age:19
Height: 5'11"
Location: Nashville, Indiana, USA
Position: Forward
Specialty: All-Star
Got Nickname: Plays almost exactly like LeBron "King" James, and seeing as how their last names are the same, everyone called him "Prince James" because he was the "heir to the throne.
Signature Dunk: LeBron-ahawk: The "reach so far back, you almost break your arm/back/other necessary body part, and dunk it hard" tomahawk
Crew: The Revolution



Name: David Nichols
Nickname: Reign Man
Age:23
Height: 6'3"
Location: Nashville, Indiana, USA
Position: Forward
Specialty: All-Star
Got Nickname: During a parks-and-rec league with Matrix, Birdie, and some others, he was the most experienced and easily the best player on the team. During practices, though, he'd hit these three-pointers from half-court, and everyone would be screamin' "Let it rain!" and he would play the crowd and scream "Call me the Reign Man, cuz I'm hittin' the shots, and I'm takin' the throne!". After awhile, he got used to using that as his "name".
Signature Dunk: Right-handed Statue of Liberty 360
Crew: The Revolution



Name: Austin Martin
Nickname: Scarecrow
Age:16
Height: 5'11"
Location: Nashville, Indiana, USA
Position: Forward
Specialty: Shooting/Power
Got Nickname: He was friends with Kenny "Most Known Thug" Baker before he joined TR and MKT named him "Scarecrow" because he was "long, lanky, and didn't have a brain".
Signature Dunk: One-handed smash-the-ball-on-your-head-on-the-way-down power slam
Crew: The Revolution



Name: Levi Law
Nickname: Unstoppable
Age:16
Height: 5'6"
Location: Nashville, Indiana, USA
Position: Forward
Specialty: Defense, Shots, Power
Got Nickname: He's always been really defensive. He may not really have nice handles, and his shot may look even worse than Shawn Marion's, but if you try to drive in on you, he'll block you. If you're being slow at the perimeter, he'll steal it from you. And if you think you can get away with an easy pass, he'll intercept it from you. And if you try to block a dunk, or get in his way, he'll dunk on you. Only people who know his moves can only attempt to beat him, but otherwise, he's "Unstoppable".
Signature Dunk: Approach on one side of the goal, do an up-and-under with one hand, then slam it on the other side with both.
Crew: The Revolution


Name: Zack Stant
Nickname: Zack Attack
Age:16
Height: 5'9"
Location: Nashville, Indiana, USA
Position: Guard
Specialty: PG Star/Power
Got Nickname: Matrix and he are good long-time pals, and one day, when playing ball, Matrix called him "Zack Attack" after he slammed hard on someone, and it was followed soon by the "Zack Attack of the Day", where he schooled his defender to the point of utter humiliation.
Signature Dunk: Approaching the goal on one side, pulling his arm way off, then slamming it hard, fast, and with authority.
Crew: The Revolution



Name: Shawn Jackson
Nickname: Jumpin' Jax
Age:17
Height: 6'2"
Location: Nashville, Indiana, USA
Position: Forward
Specialty: Dunks/Blocks/Dimes
Got Nickname: He was being guarded hard under the goal, and he had his legs together and his arms in front of him, on the ball. He jumped straight up, stuck his legs and arms out in one motion, and windmill dunked right on his defender. By the time he got back to the ground, he was back in his previous position. Matrix called him "Jumpin' Jackson" because his move looked like a jumping jack, but the name stuck as "Jumpin' Jax".
Signature Dunk: One-handed 360 with a body-spread-eagle finish, much like the air jordan symbol.
Crew: The Revolution


Name: Wraythe Parker
Nickname: Dubz
Age:16
Height: 5'8"
Location: Nashville, Indiana, USA
Position: Guard
Specialty: Handles, Dimes, Shots, Power, Steals
Got Nickname: He used to be called "WP" for awhile, then he went just by "W" for awhile, until Jumpin' Jax called him "Doublez". He went by Doublez for awhile, until one game, he dunked an alley-oop for the first time. Zack Attack passed an oop to him from one side of the rim, and Dubz caught it with one hand and dunked it, quite Shaq-like, and Jumpin' Jax freaked out and just screamed "Dubz with the one-handed jam!!" And from then on out, Dubz was easier to say, so we called him that.
Signature Dunk: One-handed power jam off a soft alley-oop pass
Crew: The Revolution


Name: Jacob Percifield
Nickname: Like Mike
Age:11
Height: 4'9"
Location: Nashville, Indiana, USA
Position: Guard
Specialty: Handles, Dimes, Shots, Defense
Got Nickname: This kid has been through more nicknames than most people we've played with. He started out as "Junior J" because everyone thought he was the Mini-Me of Dr. J, but seeing as how he couldn't really dunk, it was unofficial. After that, he was JP, because of his initials. Then, he was "Little Jordan AKA Little J", because he was making crazy, under-the-rim, circus shots and shooting like Jordan. But after awhile, "Little J" got annoying to say, so I called him "Like Mike" one day, because that's what he was, and that's his favorite movie.
Signature Dunk: Approach the goal, jump off someone's back and dunk an Air Jordan-style dunk.
Crew: The Revolution


Name: Zach Walker
Nickname: Birdie
Age:16
Height: 5'3"
Location: Nashville, Indiana, USA
Position: Guard
Specialty: Handles, Dimes, Shots, Dunks
Got Nickname: A long time, in a neighborhood far, far away, Birdie used to make a "chirping" noise at random moments, and despite his athleticism, he was named Birdie from that day out. Everyone calls him that. In a basketball sense, he can jump pretty high for a 5'3" kid, and dunks regularly
Signature Dunk: Off-the-Glass two-handed double-pump power jam
Crew: The Revolution


There you go. Everyone should be accounted for... Peace!

Wednesday, May 03, 2006

May 2: Pre-Game vs. Kentucky Hicks

Okay, so my cousin (Like Mike), Phenom, Zack Attack, Birdie, and I were totally rockin' at Deer Run before Like Mike's "parks and recreation" basketball game, and we were playing against a team of these high school tourists from Kentucky, the five of them between 15-17. For once, I played a better game than everyone else.

Team Revolution:
MaTrix
Phenom
Like Mike
Zack Attack
Birdie

Team KY:
Jason AKA Dizzy (Handles, Dimes)
Eric AKA Put It Up (Dimes, Shots, Dunks)
Jerrick AKA Dimez (Dimes/Handles)
Jack AKA Jackpot (All-Star)
Seth AKA Wild Card (All-Star, mainly dunks)


We, again, had an almost-professional game this time, but with less of a crowd. There were only like seven or eight people this time, and half of them were friends of Team KY.

Phenom and Wild Card jumped for it, and WC barely got it. He passed up to Dizzy, and I learned why they called him that. He pulled up to me at the perimeter, and started dribbling, and I couldn't keep track of the ball. He went behind the back, between the legs, behind the back, behind my head, popped up and over, back into his hands, and then finally, a spin past me that eventually knocked me on my ass. The crowd cheered.

Well, a few possessions later, he had almost schooled me, but I got a steal, and it was a chase up the court between me and him, but he got there first. Fortunately, he jumped for the block and I jumped for the dunk, and I bulldozed through him and slammed it right on him. As soon as he jumped for the block, and put his arm up, he recoiled, and brought it back, and kind of curled into the fetal position as I slammed on him. The crowd cheered even more than before.

A few possessions later, Dizzy had schooled me again, but only because he stepped on my shoe, covered my eyes with one hand, and dribbled the ball between my legs with the other. When he stepped off my shoe, he pushed my head with his hand and that knocked me over, and his Kentucky bitch-ass friends were all screaming "ohhhh" at me, AS IF they hadn't seen him push me over. But it was made-up for, because when Dizzy was driving in for the play right afterwards, he had his head turned to look at me, and ran right into Zack Attack, who had set up a nice "pick" by planting himself right in Dizzy's predictable path. He fell over, and immediately, Dimez and Put It Up got in Attack's face and starting bitching at him, but he pushed them around a bit and told them what had happened with me. Then, Phenom, being the peacemaker of the group, ran up and separated the three of them, and told them to just continue the game.

So, Attack, being the kind of person to totally hold a grudge, whispered to me to pop him a few dimes right when one of them was under the goal, and he'd take care of the rest. Still kind of feeling anger toward the assholes that knocked me down and laughed, I agreed immediately. So our crowd was on our right sides if we were dribbling up the court, and their audience was on our left. So I came up with the ball, and Dizzy came to meet me. So I decided to stun him with some moves.

First, I bounced it right off his head when he looked right to his peeps, and screamed "PAY ATTENTION!" the second he looked back at me, in shock. I laughed at him, and started dribbling between my legs. Before long, he was reaching and grabbing, and I had one knee on the ground, just dribbling under one leg. Suddenly, while he's down close and trying to get the ball, in one swift move, I stand up, spin the ball around his head, then, when he stood up and realized what's going on, I bounced it hard off his head, so he staggered back a bit. That's when I noticed Wild Card right under the basket, and Zack Attack was flashing the alley-oop symbol: an "O.K." symbol. I bounced the rock on the left side of Dizzy, and ran on his right side, grabbed it, then popped it right up to Attack, who grabbed it with one hand, WAYY up in the air, and slammed it right down on Wild Card, who jumped and got hit, slamming the back of his head into the base of the goal. He was fine (unfortunately), just a little shaken up. But he did look quite pissed at Attack. So now, we have feuds between Dizzy and me, and Attack and Wild Card.

A couple minutes, a few possessions, and several crossovers later, they were definitely leading 76-68. We were not having a great day. But we took a time-out and I gave a great motivational speech.

"All right, guys. Now, this is definitely just a scrimmage and such, but we can't let some stupid Kentucky hicks beat us at our game, in our court. This is OUR house, and we're not going to let them take us down. This is a bunch of bullshit, and we definitely shouldn't be losing by this much... one or two points, with homecourt advantage is enough, but eight?! Forget it. We're going to take them down right now. We're playing like the New York Knicks. And now, we're going to go from Knicks and Trailblazers to Spurs and Pistons. This isn't a preseason game anymore, my sons. This is game 7 of the NBA Finals, and we're losing by eight. Now let's get out there, and kick some fucking ASS!!"

Well, I read somewhere that it's said that during the playoffs, players jump to the next level... well, that night, we jumped several levels each. In 6 minutes of playing time, I shot 9-12, and made at least 6 dunks. Phenom shot 9-9 from beyond the perimeter. And I popped several alley-oops to Attack and Birdie, who, both, dunked on each and every one of the players on Team KY. Each person had their own specific "play of the night" that absolutely just rocked everyone's socks.

Matrix: Put It Up was trying to school me, when I knew that handles weren't exactly his thing. I took the rock with a hard steal from Put It Up and driving upcourt. Once I got just outside the lane, I jumped for a two-handed reverse 360 slam off the left baseline.

Birdie: He got a hard grabbing block (jumped, grabbed the ball with one hand, and brought it down to meet the other, holding it), and sprinted up the court, where he passed up to me. He kept running, but I got at about the middle of the lane, bounced the ball in front of me, so it popped up, and I crouched down. Birdie then came running up, jumped over me and slammed the ball hard with one hand.

Phenom: Wild Card came driving into the lane, and tried dunking, but Phenom jumped and slammed the ball down. WC got the rebound and went for a basic lay-up, but Phenom blocked it again. WC got the rebound once more, and actually tried to use a pro-step and lay-up, but Phenom jumped and blocked again, this time shooting it out of the court. Dizzy attempted to throw it in to WC, but Phenom got the steal, and Wild Card ran up against him to the goal. Phenom got to the lane and jumped to dunk it, right as WC did. WC cowered down in fear, and Phenom power-dunked it right on his face. Hahaha! WC got humiliated by Phenom five times!!

Like Mike: Like Mike was almost immediately matched up against Dizzy from the beginning because of his point guard abilities. Jackpot had crossed him up a couple of times, but Like Mike got him back in one huge possession. Jackpot met him at half court and Like Mike started freestylin' around him. LM was being guarded tough, so he put his back against Jackpot, who was right up on him. LM put the ball in his left hand, bounced it behind Jackpot, on his left, and LM spun to his right and grabbed the ball, and stopped as Jackpot fell over and got back on his feet. The crowd was laughing the whole time, but the worst came later. Jackpot switched out with Dimez, who was a LOT less experienced than Jackpot. So LM dribbled a bit, really low, in order to get Dimez to go as low as he could. Then, LM stood up really fast, spun in a circle, and smashed the ball off Dimez's dome. Dimez fell over, and LM approached fast. I was being guarded in the lane by Jackpot, and saw LM driving in. I made a "d" sign language sign right as he approached, and crouched down quickly. Like Mike came up and stepped off my back, and I pushed off, launching him into the air, right as Jackpot turned around. As soon as he saw LM approach, he turned to his side and raised his hands, as if to stop him, and Like Mike slammed it down hard, right on him. So even the 4-10 kid got to dunk today.

Zack Attack: Last, but certainly not least, the powerhouse of moves. He obviously dunked on everyone that day, but his greatest accomplishment was when he and Wild Card were about to starting beating the shit out of each other, Phenom came in and held the peace once more. And that's when Attack got him hard. He was schooling Dizzy hardcore, bouncing the rock off his head and dribbling between his AND Dizzy's legs, until Dizzy finally pushed Attack. Still bouncing the ball and finding it rather amusing, Attack bounced it right off his face. Not off his forehead like most ballers do, he bounced it right square off his face, which caused him to stumble back and start squealing in pain (Damn pig), and Attack stormed the goal. Jackpot tried to stop him, but he spun around him quickly, tripping Jackpot, and Attack got out of the spin and popped the ball up quickly for a lay-up. Well, Wild Card was under the basket, and caught it just barely as it was going up, causing it to stop moving forward. It was a few feet from the goal, so Zack Attack took a few steps toward the goal, toward Wild Card, who wasn't watching. He jumped, grabbed the ball off the block, and slammed it right down, making Wild Card wear his blue shorts like a crown as he soared onto him.

Well, it may sound like a bunch of fun and all, but at the end of the game, we won by a few points, and Wild Card and Attack got into it. WC tried to punch Attack a bunch, but Attack just blocked all of them, and right as Attack was about to suckerpunch Wild Card in the face, we saw a cop car pulling over the hill, so he stopped. Wild Card was already in a wussy defensive position. Nothing bad happened, the cop (who was a woman) was picking her daughter up from softball practice, which was at the diamonds in the further back of the park. We lucked out.

So afterwards, Zack Attack gave us a ride to the high school gym, where Like Mike played in his game, and what did I see? He was coming up the court, and his friend (only 5-foot or so) was running up on the other side of the lane, and LM popped a no-look alley-oop to him, which was caught and laid-up nicely. On his way back up the floor, I was standing and cheering and such, and he pointed right at me. Yeah, I'm his freakin' mentor, beeyotch. Call me the Ballin' Guru. Yeah, they won each game by at least twenty points, so it kicked ass.

I'm out, time for bizzed. Peace